Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Don Jokes
"Don't have sex" - Jake.
Why You should never poop on the floor in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have Windows. 🤢 🤣
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Why can orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home plate is.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
Q: What did the ocean say to the boy?
A: Nothing! Oceans don't talk, silly!
My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"
So I threw my dictionary at her.
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.
What do you call a fish that doesn't play basketball?
Tails: Hey, Sonic, do you need payback? Oh, you are not a fat hedgehog, you are a snail.
Sonic: But I'm a fat snail because Dr. Eggman turned me into a snail.
Tails: I don't trust you, fat snail.
I saw a poor man and I gave him money, and he said, "Nope, I don't need money." So I gave him money, and he punched me for no reason.
Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.
Son, what is 1 plus 1?
Dad, I don't know.
Son, it is 2.
Dad, oh, I was gonna say 2.
