Why can’t orphans play at a McDonald’s play place? They don’t have parent supervision.
DON’T READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED SETTLERS OF CATAN! “Wheat is going on?” I asked my godmother. She replied “Godson, I really don’t know but could you please get me some m-ore Shloer.” “Ok, I’ll sheep if there’s any in the fridge!”
I don’t love being bored
A person went to tell a joke: Knock knock! Who’s there? I don’t remember! (I think we need to moove on to the next joke now) I just now made this one up! Then I realized it is in the cow category, so I added the moove on part! 😂
Grandma I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s One second later Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
Ur mum smells like shit ye so she sucks a man off and washenmasheen yo don’t at me yeh u chiken breath
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well beer nuts are 49 cents but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer you won’t understand it.)
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erect*on?” Wife: “ok… what is it?” Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now”.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again. Husband: Wait dear.. Don’t do it for the sake of our kid! Wife: Kid? Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
When people ask my age, this is what I do
“🥱 I DON’T CARE…. ÆAHAHAHAHAHAÆAAÆ
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Why can’t Chinese people have a white baby?
Because two wongs don’t make a white
if you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! it cuts itself!
