Domestic jokes

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Stranger.

Stranger who?

Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?

I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.

Not sure if domestic violence joke or penis size joke...