When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
Dog Jokes
Do you know Helen Keller?
Yes.
Did you know she had a dog?...... Neither did she!
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
Black dog is gay.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?
Pant suits.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?
I don't know... I'm from China.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.
