I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?
Pant suits.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?
I don't know... I'm from China.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
The IRS came to this man's house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money that's been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man thought, "Maybe I need to get a lawyer." So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down, and the agent said, "There has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account, and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it." The man says, "Yes, I do. I'm a gambler." The agent says, "You gamble with that much money?" The man says, "Yes, I'll give you an example. Alright, I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my left eye." Agent says, "Alright, deal." The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agent says, "That's not fair." The man says, "I'll let you get your money back, or even more. I bet you $7,500 I can bite my right eye." The agent, thinking, "I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick," so the agent says, "Deal." The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says, "That's not fair." The man replies, "Alright, I have another one. You're down $12,500. I'll bet you $15,000, if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room, I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere." The agent says, "That's impossible, you've got a deal." The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk, and the agent says, "I got you!" He's laughing and happy that he finally beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face, and the agent asked, "What's wrong with you?" and the lawyer replies, "The man bet me $100,000 he could piss on your desk, and you'd just love it."
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
What did the bounty hunter call his favorite dog?
His Boba Pet.
What is a Mexican's favorite type of dog?
A Chihuahua.
What do you call dogs dressed as dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark!
