Dog jokes
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.
My dog once went to Uranus. 🐶🤣🤣🤣
You know, because dogs sniff Uranus? 😂😂😂
Why didn't the dog want to play football??
'Cause he was a boxer!
Why does Little Johnny hate hot dogs?
It reminds him of last night.
Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?
You’d run away too if your name was afjlkawihrs gdfn wjasidphbfvnas icxhuvbjsdlk m.nd;fuoxcghkfjckoSZ: lF,.XMAVUDOXICUGJNWLFXCMV CKLSAXHV IJADHXC;IVKSA.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
Dog: Woof!
Butcher: Say less.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I buttfucked Scooby Doo.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.