Dog Jokes

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.

Dog: Woof!

Butcher: Say less.

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I buttfucked Scooby Doo.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?

And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.

The female ones are called "bitch."

Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

But cat scan!

What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

So, one day I saw a dog outside, so I played with it. Then I was like, "I’m gonna see its name and where it lives." So I did. Then... its name was Momo. Then I looked to see where it lived. It said "Joe Momma Street."