DOE jokes

What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?

Because it’s a fungi.

What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.

Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.

Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?

Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

What does FNAF mean? Five Nasty Ass Fools.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as you like. They can’t change anything.

What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!

What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.

What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?

- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.

Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?

Because it looks like a kitchen floor.