What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.
DOE Jokes
Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?
Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?
Son: Mom, what is money made of?
Mom: Paper.
Son: Where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?
Because it looks like a kitchen floor.
Where does Spider-Man keep his pictures?
On a website.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brian's, hahahahaha!
What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.
Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?
He is waiting for his dad with the milk.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
