DOE jokes

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?

I don't know, I can never see them.

What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids turn them on.

Where does Spider-Man keep his pictures?

On a website.

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch).

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.

What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.

What does a perverted frog say?

"Rubbit."

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it!

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brian's, hahahahaha!

How much pussy does a priest get? None.

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?

They both say "Hello children!"

What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?

KMS.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?

Fast food.