DOE jokes
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's grave?
"Rust in peace."
What is not the definition of prostitution?
A dumb blonde that got money for babysitting. Does it cycle now?
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why does USA suck at Clash Royale? They already lost two towers.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? A combo meal.
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
What does Trump stand for?
Trump Runs Underneath My Penis.
What does the "f" stand for in orphan?
Family.
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Where does the keyboard go to dinner? The space bar.
Question: What does tennis have that orphans don't get?
Answer: Love.