DOE jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?
Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?
Son: Mom, what is money made of?
Mom: Paper.
Son: Where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brian's, hahahahaha!
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Memes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?
Because it looks like a kitchen floor.
What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids turn them on.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
Where does Spider-Man keep his pictures?
On a website.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
What car does Hitler drive?
A Fuhrerri.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?