DOE jokes
Man A: "Is Google male or female?"
Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
How many gears does a French tank have?
One forward and six reverse.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
How does NASA fart?
They fart with their ass-teroids.
What is yellow and does not float well?
A school bus.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
What does NASA stand for?
Need a star A.S.A.P.!
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.
Why does Megan sound like a man, but she is a good singer and rapper, but then people talk about her? What's y'all rapper are singer?
I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?
Up your ass.