Disabled jokes
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
My mum's a carrot.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?