Disabled jokes

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

What songs do people with no arms listen to?

None, 'cause they can’t press play.

Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?

Mother: He died.

Daughter: How did he die?

Mother: He never got recharged.

What did the father name his daughter with no legs?

Peggy.

Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

“It’s because God made you special,” she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

How do you name a disabled Asian?

Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.

I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."

My mum's a carrot.

If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?

What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?

Being able to walk.

What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?

A salad.

What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?

Hot Wheels.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russell

What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?

Coco Pops.

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."