Disabled jokes
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
What did John Cena say to the blind kid? "You can't see me."
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
Man, this walk is really good. Oh wait, you can't.
You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.
Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
you.
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
My mum's a carrot.