Disability jokes

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

I’m just kidding.

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.

Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?

What’s Stephen Hawking's favorite song? Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes.

What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?

Eating the wheelchair.

Why don't blind people skydive?

Because it scares their dogs too much!

Helen Keller, more like hell 'n killer.

Why did Annie fall from the swing?

Because she had no hands.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not Annie.

If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?

I hate it when disabled people get bullied...

... because they can't stand up for themselves.

I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."

So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.