Disability jokes
People in wheelchairs need to stand up for themselves.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.
For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?
He blacks out.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's toes on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
If I looked like Stephen Hawking, I would also be an atheist.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.