Disability jokes

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?

A: A wheelchair.

That's a knee slapper, or should I say, a wheel slapper?

What do you call a girl with no legs? Sarah.

What do you call an Olympic gold medalist skiing? Not Sarah.

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

Damn, this computer stopped working. It's got autism.

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

A quad rasher ran him over.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?

Both of their legs don't work.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

Why could the blind man not see?

Answer: Because he is blind.

What do you call a disabled person drowning?

A boat.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!

Person 1: Wasn’t Stephen Hawking on X Factor?

Person 2: No, why would he be on X Factor?

Person 1: For dancing.

There is this girl at school, and she gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.

Why doesn’t she stand up for herself?

Someone bullied a disabled person.

The disabled person said they can't stand it.

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."

How do you make a disabled person cry?

Let's go play tag!