Disability Jokes

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)

He couldn't take the stairway to heaven; he had to take the lift.

The fact that "Hawkins" rhymes with "walking" and "talking," yet he could never do any of them.

W ffseetyhggghjoi.

Armless child: Can you give me a hand??

Me: Ok.

Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?

Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.

The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?

Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.

How did Steven Hawking die?

His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.

"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.

Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.

What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

Everyone is a gangster until Helen Keller hits a 3 on you.

What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?

Hot Wheels!

What is it that a 🤔 😳 👀 😕 physicality handicapped ♿ male prostitute can do on his own very well without getting any help from his male friends that are gay like himself?

Perform fellatio on a 👨 👨 👬 gay man.