Disability jokes
Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
He couldn’t climb the stairway.
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
How did Steven Hawking die? His WiFi disconnected.
Stephen Hawking is as broke as his legs.
What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?
A speech impediment.
Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?
Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?
Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.
"m m, ,m ,mbjbjb" is how she spelled.
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
Everyone is a gangster until Helen Keller hits a 3 on you.
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him for a drag.
Haven’t they switched him off and then back on yet?
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?
He won the F1 Wheelchair race.
He went too far away from the wall, and he got unplugged.
Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?
Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.
Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly.