Disability jokes

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

Why can't a blind person eat fish?

They can't see food.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

What did Stephen Hawking say when trying to talk to a reporter? Beep boop beep beep boop.

What do you call a disabled person drowning?

A boat.

What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?

"Log in."

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I’m blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?

What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.

A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."

Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"

What do you call a disabled Asian?

"Sum ting wong."

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but couldn't stand up?

I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.