Didnt jokes
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart. I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
I made a website on orphans, sadly it didn't have a homepage.
I was watching the news and heard a segment about a blind hooker who got stabbed 40 times.
At least she didn't see it coming.
I was listening to some Drake in class.
My teacher shouted to turn it off. She then exclaimed that "Drake is mid and his music is very Pessi!" I didn’t understand the meaning until I checked the dictionary and realised it is a synonym for overrated.
Why can't orphans have cereal? Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Why didn't Donald Trump build the wall?
Because Mexicans did not and would not build the damn wall!
Hear the one about the deaf kid?
He didn't.
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."