Dick's jokes

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.

Dick.

Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.

Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

Dad: Oh, OK!

2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

Son: I do...

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

What's the definition of a bastard?

Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!

I like dicks... sporting goods.

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.