Newest Dick Jokes - Page 14 - Worst Jokes Ever

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriends dick, but It's a private joke.

I asked my mom to make me a brat she was sleepy but is said do it anyway my mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked she took a knife and sliced his dick then put it on a bun then ketchup and mustard i said this tasted funny she was snoring the i threw it and said EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!! *ever since that day they haven't fucked again because he aint got nun to fuck with*

Alicia: I said no already quit it u are thristy leave me alone creep Nathan: I wanna sex YOU Alicia:I LOVE DICK bud you're *WEIRD* Nathan: WE_WE ALicia: WEE-WEE? Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u Nathan: * SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it* Alicia:*WEIRD* Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy cuugh umm

Son:Daddy? Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy, Your 11 years old feminine gay hoe Son: Whoa!? Daddy whats that Dad: Wtf are you talking about? Son: Your dick has it goten more tastier? Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc Dad: ooh nope im not havin a gay hoe's feind in my house no quit lookin at my dick you need some pussy Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em Mom: What the fugde is going on? Dad: Our sons a gay bitch Mom Launguage' so? i need to teach him how to like a girl huh? Dad: Yes Ma'am Plz Mom: Okay Mom: Herman Getch'er gay ass in my bed but naked i'll be there in 10 Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!?? Mom: Quit cursing im gonna fuck u extra hard!! Son: Ewww imm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww Mom: Shut it!!!, or imma recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies(pussy naked)* And show this to ur gay fuck friends! Son: Huh Son: Mom FUCK U* Mom: Okay baby imma fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off Son:UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH Son: moms are the worst are they? Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh

i have a girlfriend with a big dick

What's the definition of a bastard?

Answer: a man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!

Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.

All-star gay mix

Somebody once told me The world is gonna rape me The dick's the hardest part of the body She looked like she's having fun With her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" in her bumhole

Well, I started cumming And she started cumming Fed with dick, she's in love with bumming Didn't make sense not to live for bum Your dick gets hard, but your ass gets numb

So much to fuck, so much to suck So what's wrong with eating the asshole? You'll never know if you don't try You'll never taste if you don't lick

Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a schlong, ass frail And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg

It's a gay place and they say it gets gayer You're licking bum now, wait 'til your a bit older But the bent boys beg to differ Judging by the hole in the homeless mans throat

The sperm in the bath is getting pretty thin The sperms getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on cocaine, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get raped!

Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a willy, ass frale And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg

your momma so nasty she sucked your daddy dick and kissed you good night

whats long white and thick my dick

Somebody’s son said mom my dick has white stuff coming out of it, she said oh good one son so when’s the baby coming

2 weeks here

What do dicks and popsicles have in common?

They both like to be sucked on and they sometimes choke you.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks " what's that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey.

What do you call a pornography version of Tik Tok?

Dik Cok (dick cock)

Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

..their new slogan?

The Quicker Pecker Upper.

The man walks into a bar reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player the piano player starts playing the piano, the guy next to him asks where did you get that, the man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes, so the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside he says to the genie I want a million bucks, the genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks appear in the road, the man comes back inside and says hey that genie is a little hard of hearing, the man says well did you really think I'd ask for a 12-in pianist