Depression jokes
What's the difference between depression and a girl?
XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
Are you a highway? Because I wanna lay on you.
A man is depressed and he sighs. A bully says, "Stop sighing, you sound like some guys having a threesome!"
What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?
Answer: You shoot it!
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.
Depression jokes are like food... not every people get it.
Chris Benoit is like a depressed orphan because he killed his family.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.
We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
What's a dead person's favorite sentence?
"I made it."
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
What does a depressed person say when they're happy?
"..."
Andrew Tate.
I can’t wait for collage....
5 min later, ight I’m gonna go kill myself.