Depression jokes

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.

What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?

Answer: You shoot it!

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

A man is depressed and he sighs. A bully says, "Stop sighing, you sound like some guys having a threesome!"

Are you a highway? Because I wanna lay on you.

For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

What does a depressed person say when they're happy?

"..."

I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.

I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

What's a dead person's favorite sentence?

"I made it."

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

Chris Benoit is like a depressed orphan because he killed his family.

Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.

We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.

Depression jokes are like food... not every people get it.