Depression Jokes

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!

Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?

Nothing.

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.

Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?

KMS.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

Ok, so I'm bored, depressed, and lonely. Someone wanna talk?

I can't fake the smile for long, as there is weight hanging at both of its ends called depression.

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.