Depression jokes
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: I don't know anymore.
It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
Being sad is my only happiness.
Life's too short to want it.
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.