Depression jokes

Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."

Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."

Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."

Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."

Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.

Person: Why'd you stop?

Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.

Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*

What does my head and hell have in common?

They both have demons in them.

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

A depressing but satisfying victory.

1273. Depression got the best of me. I'm gonna cry in my room now.

My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.

Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

When you realize you have depression, and depression realizes how stupid you were.

Why did the depressed person cross the road?

To get run over.

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

Person B: Over my dead body.

Person B: *gets the noose*

Yes, I'm CUTE.

C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.

If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

Why can't depressed people leave the maze?

Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.