Depression jokes

if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

What's great about an emo pizza?

It cuts itself. Yay!

Do you know why I wish grass was emo? So it can cut itself.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

A depresso espresso.

JK.

It's cyanide.

They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.

I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.

... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.

Why doesn't my egg want to crack?

Because I hate my egg-sistence.

Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.

But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.

What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.

Where did Johnny go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."