Depression jokes

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.

Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.

Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

Then there is me: My life.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)

These ain't jokes. These are just sad truths.

Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.

What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?

They both leave you hanging.

Website: Submit a joke :-)

Me: My life.

I can hear the whole world booing me.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?

LIFE.

Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

Can't wait to meet you!

So join the Depression family!

We open real soon!

Try best to hold onto sanity!

you.