My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
Day Jokes
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
It's a Italy day outside the fields.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.
That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.
I got sad today.
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
My son's class is having a career day next week.
He was all embarrassed about having a mother who works at the AISH office.
We've agreed that I'll tell his class I'm a prostitute.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:
Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?
Because he wanted grapes.
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
