The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Dark Humor
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?
A KinderGarden.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"
Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Rope: Hey buddy! Want to hang?
Me: Maybe I can hang later...
Cock: Can I have attention from your Dad now?
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.
