To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
