Dais jokes
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
Hope everyone is having a good day! â¤ď¸
Memes
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don't even care.
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they donât have mothers' and Fatherâs Day.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
Five more days.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldnât tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. âWell partner!â He began. âI guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!â
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
God, youâre having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
Itâs weird, I couldâve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.