Dais jokes

Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."

Yo mama so fat, she was the lead balloon in the Thanksgiving day parade next to Kermit the Frog.

I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.

They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”

Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

Why don’t Mexicans have sex education and driver's education on the same day?

Because the donkey gets tired.

Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!

Why is the pizza place busy? Because it’s pizza day! 😂

What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?

F5

What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?

You brighten my day.

This is a bad day for me.

One day, a chemistry teacher asked his student, whose name is Raj, "What is the chemical formula of water?"

The Raj replied, "HIJKLMNO."

The teacher asked, "What is this rubbish?"

The Raj replied, "Yesterday, you taught the chemical formula of water is H2O."

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

It's a Italy day outside the fields.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?

Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."