Dais jokes

What month of the year has 28 days?

Answer: All of them.

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.

Good Morning Everyone! Have a good day!

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

11/9 is opposite day. The towers fall on the planes instead of 9/11, way.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

"Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?"

"Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!"

Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?

Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.

You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Quote Of The Day:

It's okay to struggle.

It's not okay to give up.

Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!

"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."

Love y'all so much!

My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.