Dais jokes

What do you call a pig in a blanket?

My wife on a cold day.

Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.

Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.

Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."

Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.

Orthodox Christians are a little slow; they take 13 days to get the joke. So go easy on them, alright?

America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

Yo mama so fat, she was the lead balloon in the Thanksgiving day parade next to Kermit the Frog.

I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.

They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”

My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.

Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?

A lazy bones!

Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."

Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?

Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Bruh, who likes Dhar Mann nowadays? That shit is ass AF. And it's just legit shit like only nerds that are fatherless would watch that shit.

It's a Italy day outside the fields.

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.