Dais jokes

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

Your forehead is so big it takes 3-4 business days.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

Your mama is so fat.

She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.

If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Why do orphans miss Mother’s Day? Because they don’t have a mother to give to!

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.

Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.

Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?

When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.

What month of the year has 28 days?

Answer: All of them.

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.

Good Morning Everyone! Have a good day!

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.