You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
Why is the pizza place busy? Because it’s pizza day! 😂
One day, a chemistry teacher asked his student, whose name is Raj, "What is the chemical formula of water?"
The Raj replied, "HIJKLMNO."
The teacher asked, "What is this rubbish?"
The Raj replied, "Yesterday, you taught the chemical formula of water is H2O."
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
I got to work.
Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.
Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.
Boss: Have a nice day.
Ben: Ok, bye!
Boss:??
Hey guys, starting tomorrow, I will put one letter of the "doin your mom" song every day. Can I finish the song?
Also, I might be in Fortnite, hehehehehe.
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
I just wanted to say, Prince, that that "qwen" you were chatting with is totally fake! I haven't talked to you all day, I swear!
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
What month of the year has 28 days?
Answer: All of them.
One day I went to talk to my friend.
"Hi John!" I said.
No response.
"Oh, yeah."
I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.
"Hope that helps!"
11/9 is opposite day. The towers fall on the planes instead of 9/11, way.
I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.
I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.
