Dais jokes
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
It's a Italy day outside the fields.
Memes
Mine is better than all of yours
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
Orthodox Christians are a little slow; they take 13 days to get the joke. So go easy on them, alright?
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!
What's a rapper's favorite day of the week?
FREESTYLE FRIDAY!
Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.
Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
Yo mama so fat, she was the lead balloon in the Thanksgiving day parade next to Kermit the Frog.
I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.
They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.