Dais jokes

Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?

Because they don't have a Father's Day.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Yo mama so fat that if she didn't eat for a day, there would be enough food to feed Africans for 500 years.

I made a website for orphans the other day... it doesn’t have a home page.

You know what should give up and stay dead?

Fortnite.

I tried to eat a clock the other day.

It was very time consuming.

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.

What time is it when you get home and you walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school? Oooooo day, a great night for

What is the difference between the snow boots on a day today, but you have the one was the night you were coming tomorrow? I can get home night time for.

There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

Leo is like a cloud... when she disappears, it's a beautiful day.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!