Dais Jokes

I tried to eat a clock the other day.

It was very time consuming.

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.

What time is it when you get home and you walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school? Oooooo day, a great night for

What is the difference between the snow boots on a day today, but you have the one was the night you were coming tomorrow? I can get home night time for.

There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

I went to the zoo the other day and it only had one dog... yeah, it was a shih tzu.

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

Your mama is so fat.

She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.