Dad

Dad Jokes

Milk

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

Difference

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

Rapper

What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?

An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.

Friend

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!

Son

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

Sister

What’s worse than banging your sister?

Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.

Parent

Having homosexual parents must be terrible.

Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".

Family

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

Birthday Party

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

Son

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

Son

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"

Money

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

Depression

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

Abortion

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

Bucket

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"