Crisis jokes
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
Uh, WHO?!
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
Why did C.S.C. fail the trigonometry test?
Cosecant remember his own name.
Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis? A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use.
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis because people say 67?"
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.