What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
How emos propose: Would you please join my family tree?
Do you like fish sticks?
If you do, you're a gay fish.
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆
What do you call a rapper with bad credit?
Lil Borrow.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.
Credit to Burn in Hell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5a0jTc9S10
Q: Why can't you run through a campground?
A: You can only ran, because it's past tents!
Being gay must be a pain in the ass.
Credit to omnom.
I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.
If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.
I will give the person credit each joke I do.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Gwen sassy: Hi here, my credit card. Don't get it wet, it is too much!
Unknown: Okay!
Gwen sassy: Man, I am late, can you move along! Much!
Unknown whispering: Sexy!
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
