Cover jokes
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don鈥檛 look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that鈥檚 a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!
The next day Steven鈥檚 mom wasn鈥檛 home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don鈥檛 look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it鈥檚 a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don鈥檛 look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There鈥檚 a snake in the bush.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
How many babies does it take to cover a brick wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it. 馃槅馃槀馃榿
The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.
Well, that was a blow up!
If a simp is staring at you, cover your mouth (they'll stop looking).
Why does Kermit like Miss Piggy covered in honey? Because he likes sweet and sour pork.
I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.
I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.
Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.
If I was an object in this world, I鈥檇 be a glass! Because if you leave me when I鈥檓 too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I鈥檓 a star! Because one of these days, I鈥檓 going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I鈥檇 be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I鈥檓 like the sun; I鈥檓 painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I鈥檓 like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I鈥檇 be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I鈥檓 like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it鈥檚 dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I鈥檓 like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I鈥檓 like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I鈥檓 like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I鈥檓 like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I鈥檓 like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can鈥檛 afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me...
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 馃槡馃槒
Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.
She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.
What do you call Nicki Minaj covered in glue?
Sticky Minaj.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!
(Btw I never actually did this irl yet)
So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.
I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
Q: Why do birds need feathers?
A: To cover up their butt quack!
Q: How do you cover a Chinese's eyes?
A: Use dental floss.
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.