Even though I look completely white, I am apparently 70% black!
Until I realized that it was a mouth swab test..
Even though I look completely white, I am apparently 70% black!
Until I realized that it was a mouth swab test..
Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?
Answer; Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!
Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
Jane ate her friend’s sandwich
Jane ate her friend’s colon
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
Donald Trump is a good president and not a complete moron
Prince will be commeing back in 10 mins here is a joke
Gwen: Prince sorry but I'm wanting some one else instead. You've just been a complete jackass towards me, sorry good night.
Prince: Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: Good night!
Prince: Why?
Gwen: Because...now good night!
Prince: We can work somethings out?
Gwen: Nope...NOW GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!
To be contined
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground. Terrified, he dials 911 and says “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead. The hunter replies, “Ok I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks “Anything else?” The nurse says “Nope. That’s it.”
There were three men in a car, the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes the to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer". The homeless man says"I'm not really homeless" and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, i'm a cop''
Hey guys, I just wanna say I say what happened to Kanye, he is one of my favorite rappers and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕
I think that Kanye was right to say what he said, I completely support him and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment and Yeezy should be sued for it.
Quote of the day: love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships-Collin Kaepernick