Comparison jokes
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.
What does a pickle look like a p*nis?
Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.
You call me ugly, but maybe that is why we look alike.
I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.
Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.
Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.