My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.
WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? You can't stand up.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
