Comparison jokes
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Girls are like roller coasters; the faster you go, the louder they scream.
The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.
My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?
A: Because knives don't have barrels.
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.