Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
Life is like a dick, it just gets hard for no reason.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.
WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of you mouth, while the other one doesn't!
what does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common they both ask people "WHERES THE MEAT!"
