Common jokes
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
You know Thomas Paine, right? Well, clearly he had some common sense too, right?
What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?
Their parents are extinct.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What does a wife and a boombox have in common?
They only work when you beat them.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...
They're both plastic and kids turn them on.
What is the most common crime in China?
Identity fraud.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
Have you ever heard of the stupid coyote? He got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of his legs, and was still stuck!
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...