Commitment jokes
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?
I be ready to commit suicide.
But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?
Marriage.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
I’m the type to join a cult unknowingly, but get too lazy to commit to it.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!