Commitment Jokes

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

my friend was on wheelchair......he committed suicide yesterday, I remember when i met him last time he told us a good joke and i appreciated him and i told him to become stand up comedian.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

why did the ophan commit suicide so he could find home

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts... I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid

Man: Hang in there! Im gonna get some help!

Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said

RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)

Daniel commited suicide five years ago today......

-a beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide-

a homeless man walks by her and says "what are you doing?"

she says "im going to jump"

the homeless man says "if youre going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

the woman replies "no way creep! never that!"

the homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says

"thats fine, I'll just wait til you're at the bottom"

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals. I hacker, a rapist, a serial killer and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial decides that she want’s to change, but when she see a knife she just can’t help it. He bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist get teleported back to prison

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide. Tbh they really left me hanging there

How did the man with no arms commit suicide? We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

People complain we are over- populated. Well then if we committed suicide then why do they be sad. It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad peoples?