Comfort jokes

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

Don't give up on your dreams...

Keep sleeping.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,

but I never realized they suited me.

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

A good bath is like a dead lover.

You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.

A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.

If you can't stand the heat, sit!

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight.

What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

The secrets of life.

Mac & Cheese.