Comedy jokes
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
UR MUM!
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
What film do orphans hate?
"Instant Family."
I love telling jokes about orphans.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!