Newest Collision Jokes - Worst Jokes Ever

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio
conversation between the British and the Irish,
off the coast of Kerry, Oct 98. Radio conversation
released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-01:
IRISH
BRITISH
IRISH
BRITISH
IRISH
BRITISH
IRISH
Please divert your course 15 degrees to
the South, to avoid a collision.
Recommend you divert your course
15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
Negative. You will have to divert your
course 15 degrees to the South to avoid
a collision.
This is the Captain of a British navy ship.
I say again, divert YOUR course.
Negative. I say again. You will have to
divert YOUR course.
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER
HMS BRITANNIA! THE SECOND LARGEST
SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE
ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU
CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH,
I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH,
OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE
UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF
THIS SHIP.
We are a lighthouse. Your call.

What is the worlds strongest material....... The tree that Paul walker hit

Joe: what do the leafs and the titanic have common Ben: idk Joe: they both look good in till they hit the ice

Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it... - Iceberg 1912

2 men ran into a bar, you would have thought after the first one hit it the second one would have seen it

Were you bought on a highway . Because thats where most acidents happen

A man hits a woman with his car. Whos fault was it? The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

Why did timmy drop his ice cream cone...

He got hit by a train

A wild Iceberg appears. Go titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt The attack misses Titanic Faints

Did you hear about Alicia's car accident? She was really drunk and all over the road Until she was all over the road.

The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:

"Hello please divert to 5°East to avoid collision. Thank you." The commander starts answering: "No you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!" "Sorry sir You are the one who should divert to 5°East! Over! "Listen to me you asshole! We are the USS Washington and we have an entire fleet at our disposal and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!" After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again: "In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

What hits the ground first the feather or the emo?

The feather because the emo is hung in the tree

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?".

Today was the worst day ever. My Ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side my truck doesn't even have a dent.

I walked up to a man and he said hows the weather up their and then i pushed him in the street to get hit by a bus

I crashed into those motherfuckers 😂😂😂

There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma'm and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?