Coffin

Coffin Jokes

WiFi

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

Funeral

At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.

Parachute

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Mama

"Yo mama so fat when she got buried it took them all the trees on Earth for her coffin."

Orphan

Me: I saw your parents yesterday.

Orphan girl: Where?

Me: The coffin was still open.

Woman

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.

Ground

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

Night

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

Funeral

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

Friend

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

Health

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

Condom

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

Funeral

This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)