I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despesso.
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
Why do people drink Starbucks? Because it's too hot to handle!
What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.
