Coffee

Coffee Jokes

Woman

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

Michael Jackson

In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.

Routine

Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.

Life

More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.

Seizure

How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?

He spills coffee on his iPad.

  • 0
  • Revolution

    Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

    People

    The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.

    Black and bitter.

    Mom

    Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

    He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

    Ariana Grande

    TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.

    I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.

    Tea

    In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.

    Baby

    Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

    1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

    2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

    3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

    4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

    5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

    6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

    7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

    8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

    9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

    10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

    Depresso

    Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.