Cock jokes
I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.
The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."
Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"
I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"
Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"
John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.
By Lewis
What's the difference between a bird and jam?
You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.
I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.
My cock, lmao.
Student: What's the best thing in the world?
Teacher: I don't know what.
Student: Hard rock cock.
What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?
Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.
So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and you're ready to fire.
After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack had a shock and a mouth full of cock, and Jill's real name was Randy.
Cock cock, who's there? Nobody.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.